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I’m reminded that I have a place where I can speak freely. There are so few moderators and permission givers who monitor my every action and word with the intent to silence me. With that, you may know that I pissed a lot of people off on TikTok when I said that Black women fuck up my life. I still don’t take that back. I spoke out of emotion but I don’t retract my words or my feelings. A similar situation happened today on my day job.

I loved this job when I started. I spent the past two years struggling so badly. I still struggle but when I was finally employed with an annual salary, I felt as though I was reclaiming my life. I thought my struggle had ended. However, I was assigned to a store where employees constantly resigned, and I know why. It’s Us. People quit at this location because of Us. I was never happier with emptying a trash can and placing a new trash liner until I interacted with Us enough. We made me hate this. I hate it. I want to get away from us now. Far away. I almost closed the store, gathered my things and drove away. I was so close.

Now, I just want to be left alone by everyone. In that same thought and breath, I realize that it is important to maintain a relationship with Marine Corps veterans, specifically those who never deployed. We understand each other. We respect each other. Talking to a senior Marine who was once my junior calmed me down. Who would have ever known that 7 years after I was medically retired from the Marine Corps that the young Marine under my charge would be the one who I would go to when no one else could hear me. Thank you Ayala. You mean more to me than you know.

And thank God for Vodka. Amen.

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